Superstitions and Choices

HA! See? I stayed away for at least twenty-four hours! Are you lost? I'm sorry. You see, maybe you aren't like me, but every time I try to do something new I get excited and do it for a couple days and then it fizzles out. Just like the time I started waking up early or running or even the last time I "blogged."  Look, I'm just trying to break the cycle here. Not to mention, I also had to rack my brain on what to talk about and ultimately came to the decision that I will know when I have a topic I need to talk about and so I sat around and waited for inspiration to hit me.

This is generally what I look like when I am waiting for "Inspiration." It looks vaguely similar to napping

Today I want to talk to you about two topics: Choice and Superstition. We'll start with the latter, just to piss you off! Now, I don't know if you know this, but I am very superstitious. Like, really its a problem. No, I don't worry about walking under a ladder or when people say "Macbeth" onstage, but I definitely believe in bad "JuJu." Normal people who have this tendency give it very little credit and mostly laugh about the situation, whether it be a broken mirror or stepping on a crack. I have found myself living my life in fear of bad "JuJu" and making life altering decisions based on my fear. "How?" you ask? (You see that double question? You see what I did there? And now?) Let me explain, I am not afraid of tactile superstitions, oh no that'd be too easy for me, the things that I'm afraid of are situations inside my head. (That sounds crazier than I want it to) Let me give you a scenario to help you see into my inner workings (get your mind out of the gutter!), lets pretend that you and I are friends and the last time we spoke we had an argument and  a few days later I break the silence and text you to see how you are doing (because I have come to terms with the fact that I'm always the friend that'll breakdown in these situations first, but I digress) I will automatically make up a "rule" in my mind that if you don't text me back in a certain amount of time that you hate me and are ridding me from your life. Do I know if you were busy and couldn't respond because you were running from zombies, no I decide logically my "rule" is king. Or if I'm working I'll set a scenario like "If someone calls in the next 5 minutes we will be busy" no, if you're wondering, I don't have a superpower I am just crazy. Or if I am taking a test and the first answer is multiple choice, the letter of the answer will be my grade. That one is hardly ever true, but you see the point. I am superstitious because of SITUATIONS I PUT ON MYSELF.  Listen, I know I am psychotic, I am not asking for your sympathy I am simply informing you of what plays through my mind in every scenario. It's like I am constantly looking for pattens around me to indicate to me that life is going to suck. It is the worst thing I do. I know, it's probably something that needs to be diagnosed and medicated, but it's been my secret for the last 23 years and now I am telling you via blog (this may have been the wrong forum...).

Screw all this, I am afraid of a text.

The other topic I wanted to talk about is a complete 180 degrees from the last one: choice (because clearly a compulsion is NOT a choice.) I thoroughly believe that we choose our destiny in this life. There is no power or force above us on that, we choose. Sure things happen to us that we didn't choose, but we always have a choice on how to respond. Lately, in my life, I have been choosing to be happy. I mean I have a good life, loving parents so on and so forth. So why shouldn't I be happy in every situation, right? Furthermore, I also believe life is way more clinical than we make it. With loneliness, and heartbreak, and sorrow how can anyone be happy. I'll tell you right now I am choosing to not be lonely and not miss Katie every second and be happy that I have someone that loves and cares for me. Focusing on how much I miss her will only make me crazy and drive a wedge of resentment between us. So, I have come to the conclusion that emotions tend to get in the way and muddy up the decision making process, therefore why not choose your emotion? (Am I making any sense?) This all may sound too complicated and I may not be the most eloquent, but I am trying to make the point that choosing our destiny is so much more than resting on the cards you were dealt it's about making the hand you need to win. 

No, this isn't a indication of my beliefs it is just the first thing that popped up when I "googled" choice.

On that front, I am trying to choose not to see meaningless patterns in my life and then making stupid decisions based on them. I am choosing to believe that life is more random than I give it credit for. No more "rules" and "tests" for this guy, only happiness. 

Well, I am off my soapbox... and see you next time!