Camera Phone Cleaning (You don't wanna skip this, I promise you)

Every so often I take a look through the camera on my phone and just kind of look through the pictures and remember the memories associated with them. Sometimes they are hilarious, sometimes they are not, but generally they remind me of all the good times I have had. Like a twenty-first century scrapbook. This time I decided to share them with you as I find them humorous. Remember, I am a theater major and we are weird. Proceed with caution and maybe if you make it to the end there will be a surprise for you, reader.

1. The first great find, "Alien's Exist" poster.

We don't know why our school pays for this, but it does.

Now if you look at the picture above, you'll notice I scribbled my fears across the picture. If you don't know me you don't know that I have a crippling fear of aliens. No, I am not kidding, and please keep your judgements to yourself. The number one question I am asked when people realize I am afraid of aliens is "Why?" and my answer is simply "I don't know." Is it because I watched Independence Day at too young of an age? Is it because I worry about things watching me and me not knowing? Or is it because I have an irrational fear of being probed? Again, I don't know. All I know is that when I saw this poster hanging in the halls of UVU I had to take a picture and promptly find a new pair of pants.

2. Ben's "Testicle Pants"

What can I say, Ben is a MAN.

Now, I know I can be crude, and I know theater is an evolutionary art, but when Ben put on these flesh colored pants for our production of Elephant's Graveyard I wondered if our concept had changed from "early nineteenth century circus" to "human anatomy." I know I am not alone because as soon as I said it out loud, not only did Ben agree his pants were overcompensating for something, so did the COSTUME DESIGNERS. In all seriousness they were going for those riding pants that ringleaders are known for and just overshot how big the ... ahem ... "bulges" ... should be. Well, I think that is enough innuendo for one picture, on to the next!

3. Bloody Matt

Probably not the most bloody person on the strip.

This last Halloween I did something I have always wanted to do, I took an epic Vegas Trip. A group from work decided it would be fun to go over Halloween week. While we were there we made many memories and have many laughs from the trips. My friend Matt decided he wanted to dress up as Ryan Gosling's character from Drive. And most importantly of all I got to help him with the fake blood. Not too bad looking if I don't say so myself. Watching people's faces as he walked through the casino was great, they weren't sure if it was the booze or the lights from the slots, but they knew something wasn't right.

4. MURDEROUS DAN!!!

I hear if you say the word "Danderson" in the dark in front of a mirror he will show up behind you when you turn on the lights...

Once upon a time I took Acting Styles at UVU with Danderson. Now, the point of the course is how acting changed over time. This unit was "commedia dell'arte" which is basically ole timey comedy. Lot's of physical gags came from this time period, like schemes to steal old men's money, or scared army captain, or even the pie in the face. Which is what happened here. The assignment was to perform these in front of another class. It was fun and joyful... which is the complete opposite of what this picture is saying. This picture is saying "I will kill you and your teenage friends in the night." To me that does not look like whipped cream, but rather a skin condition that caused Dan to go crazy and start slaying unsuspecting campers up Provo Canyon as a form of revenge. 

5. Dramaturges claim Darth Vader!

Luke... *wheeze*... my theatrical research is correct... *wheeze*... I am your father.

Now, if you don't know what is a dramaturge is you obviously aren't in theater. You are also incredibly lucky because in my experience there are very few dramaturges I enjoy to be around. Very Few. You see, Dramaturges are (at their own admission) the NERDS of theater, and that is saying something. They love to research and fact check and research and oh, did I say research. I am of the personal belief that any actor, director, or whatever worth their salt will do their OWN research and therefore render the dramaturge useless. (Again, this is just my opinion so please do not tar and feather me) Nevertheless, the SAY they have other duties and sit in my rehearsals and continually pipe up to correct my actors and  my director and me and whoever else and I take it politely because my mother raised me right and... I am getting off track here.  Anyway, at UVU we share a lot of the same spaces. This particular classroom is booked pretty much all day so I am not exactly sure who claimed Darth Vader was a nerdy researcher with a fluid job description, but the thought is humorous nonetheless. 

6. BONUS VIDEO!!! 

Because I have an iPhone, I have the ability to keep videos of use. Naturally like any first world citizen would I have held on to this one for a while waiting to use it to my advantage. This video will star my friend's Cooper and Zoe (they give EXCELLENT performances if I don't say so myself.)  The premise of this film is fairly simple. Cooper was tired after our homework party and needed a back massage, the always helpful Zoe happily obliged. The rest is comedic GOLD. If any of you have taken a movement, dance or stretching class with Cooper you know what you are in for. If you haven't I promise this is NOT porn.

And with that, we are done for this round of Camera Phone Cleaning... I'll keep a lookout for more priceless shots!

A New Start

I made a new blog. You may be asking why (you may not be, but keep that to yourself) but the old one was getting rusty and I wanted something new. A LOT has changed since I last saw you. I mean I am in a serious relationship with a woman that I love, I am the happiest I have been in a long time, I have a strong relationship with God, I have done plenty more theater (duh!) and most importantly -- I grew up. That last one has been a doozy, I tell ya, life doesn't come with a manual but if it did it would say that growing up sucks. I mean no one tells you all the extras that come with growing up, do they? Registering your car, registering to vote, wearing underwear... it's all very cumbersome isn't it? Oh well, "C'est la Vie" and "Che Sera Sera" and all the other foreign phrases we say when we come to an impasse about our impending adulthood.

Oh, how I wish this existed.

I googled "How to make an Awesome new blog" before I made this one and it all sounded so complicated. I mean look at the screen capture of a site below. It's too much so I am just keeping it simple. I did make what I thought was a cool header... a little big, but it gets the job done.

Why do I need a niche? Can't I be me? YOU DON'T KNOW ME

You may also be asking "Porter/JP/Jacob/Any-Other-Name-You-Have-Come-To-Call-Me, how do you know you have grown up, what makes you think you are qualified to make that call?" and I would probably respond with "Rude, why are you so condesending?" but in all seriousness as stupid as it sounds I knew it when my priorities changed. I don't want the same things I wanted a while ago, I used to want to have a good time, and while that is still important I now want more positive interactions with other people. I want solid relationships with the people around me, is that so much? I am trying a new tactic on this front and it has been going so well that I think it'll be a permanent weapon in my arsenal of friendship (Ironic statement) and that new weapon is to be more interested in others and less interested in yourself. Sounds simple, but to be genuinely interested in the people you interact with is hard work. I mean some people are so boring you would rather army crawl naked through the medical waste dumpster outside the hospital than interact with them longer than you have to, but I have come to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Finding what makes them beautiful is the challenge. And I like challenges.

Another big reason I know I grew up is that I want to be a better person for Katie. It sounds so stupid and fleeting, but I genuinely love her more than I knew I could love a person. It just feels so right. I want to make a public announcement that I never used to be this person. I was never the person who told cutesy stories about the person I was dating. To be perfectly frank I never really cared about others this deeply. I mean Katie was sick one week and I was so worried I came down with empathetic sickness. I mean, that's not normal, at least it wasn't for me, but now I just think about her all day. It's quite pitiful actually. But I know this is a good thing. It definitely took me by surprise, I mean for those of you who don't know Katie and my story, we basically met five years ago and have been close friends most of the time, we dated before and broke up before, but I think we just needed to grow up some more before God was ready for us to be together. Well sort of, I mean I think he also separated us for the summer so I would stop taking her for granted and actually put some effort in, but that's another story (One final statement on the topic: Long Distance Sucks!) Now, it is literally the best blessing the big man upstairs has given me and for that I am thankful. (Ugh, I'm sorry, I am totally that person.... you know that guy who just talks about his girlfriend, don't worry, I'll keep it in check.)

I also have worked on two shows the summer. One has closed, All Shook Up, and the other opens at the beginning of the school year, Vincent in Brixton. All Shook Up was at the Scera and was one of my favorite characters I have ever played. I was Dennis, the eternal best guy who was always stuck in the friend-zone. He was such a blast. The cast and crew were fun to work with and I have made some great friends from the experience. Not mention I got some great reviews lets take a look:

I was pretty excited.

But look at this comment on the theater's webpage... I couldn't help but respond....

Please tell me I am a little better looking!

Alright! Whatever! I guess I see it a little. Does this mean I can have my own sitcom too?

The other show I am Stage Managing. And I am so happy about the cast and director. So far they have been a dream to work with, all six of them! (I know, I am pretty lucky to only have to worry about six people) This show is going to be amazing. The acting is superb and the direction is top notch, and you should come see it in the fall. There will even be live cooking! RIGHT?!

Let's see, what else to talk about? Hmm... I don't think there was anything else (If there is, I'll just post another post) But thank you for taking the time to read, and if no one is reading at least it is out in the universe. One last thing: I won't make any promises about blogging more, because I am still me and I will still forget, but hopefully I have more things to write and I am forced to blog again. Until next time, folks!

Don't Forget to "Follow" the new blog!