Camera Phone Cleaning (You don't wanna skip this, I promise you)

Every so often I take a look through the camera on my phone and just kind of look through the pictures and remember the memories associated with them. Sometimes they are hilarious, sometimes they are not, but generally they remind me of all the good times I have had. Like a twenty-first century scrapbook. This time I decided to share them with you as I find them humorous. Remember, I am a theater major and we are weird. Proceed with caution and maybe if you make it to the end there will be a surprise for you, reader.

1. The first great find, "Alien's Exist" poster.

We don't know why our school pays for this, but it does.

Now if you look at the picture above, you'll notice I scribbled my fears across the picture. If you don't know me you don't know that I have a crippling fear of aliens. No, I am not kidding, and please keep your judgements to yourself. The number one question I am asked when people realize I am afraid of aliens is "Why?" and my answer is simply "I don't know." Is it because I watched Independence Day at too young of an age? Is it because I worry about things watching me and me not knowing? Or is it because I have an irrational fear of being probed? Again, I don't know. All I know is that when I saw this poster hanging in the halls of UVU I had to take a picture and promptly find a new pair of pants.

2. Ben's "Testicle Pants"

What can I say, Ben is a MAN.

Now, I know I can be crude, and I know theater is an evolutionary art, but when Ben put on these flesh colored pants for our production of Elephant's Graveyard I wondered if our concept had changed from "early nineteenth century circus" to "human anatomy." I know I am not alone because as soon as I said it out loud, not only did Ben agree his pants were overcompensating for something, so did the COSTUME DESIGNERS. In all seriousness they were going for those riding pants that ringleaders are known for and just overshot how big the ... ahem ... "bulges" ... should be. Well, I think that is enough innuendo for one picture, on to the next!

3. Bloody Matt

Probably not the most bloody person on the strip.

This last Halloween I did something I have always wanted to do, I took an epic Vegas Trip. A group from work decided it would be fun to go over Halloween week. While we were there we made many memories and have many laughs from the trips. My friend Matt decided he wanted to dress up as Ryan Gosling's character from Drive. And most importantly of all I got to help him with the fake blood. Not too bad looking if I don't say so myself. Watching people's faces as he walked through the casino was great, they weren't sure if it was the booze or the lights from the slots, but they knew something wasn't right.

4. MURDEROUS DAN!!!

I hear if you say the word "Danderson" in the dark in front of a mirror he will show up behind you when you turn on the lights...

Once upon a time I took Acting Styles at UVU with Danderson. Now, the point of the course is how acting changed over time. This unit was "commedia dell'arte" which is basically ole timey comedy. Lot's of physical gags came from this time period, like schemes to steal old men's money, or scared army captain, or even the pie in the face. Which is what happened here. The assignment was to perform these in front of another class. It was fun and joyful... which is the complete opposite of what this picture is saying. This picture is saying "I will kill you and your teenage friends in the night." To me that does not look like whipped cream, but rather a skin condition that caused Dan to go crazy and start slaying unsuspecting campers up Provo Canyon as a form of revenge. 

5. Dramaturges claim Darth Vader!

Luke... *wheeze*... my theatrical research is correct... *wheeze*... I am your father.

Now, if you don't know what is a dramaturge is you obviously aren't in theater. You are also incredibly lucky because in my experience there are very few dramaturges I enjoy to be around. Very Few. You see, Dramaturges are (at their own admission) the NERDS of theater, and that is saying something. They love to research and fact check and research and oh, did I say research. I am of the personal belief that any actor, director, or whatever worth their salt will do their OWN research and therefore render the dramaturge useless. (Again, this is just my opinion so please do not tar and feather me) Nevertheless, the SAY they have other duties and sit in my rehearsals and continually pipe up to correct my actors and  my director and me and whoever else and I take it politely because my mother raised me right and... I am getting off track here.  Anyway, at UVU we share a lot of the same spaces. This particular classroom is booked pretty much all day so I am not exactly sure who claimed Darth Vader was a nerdy researcher with a fluid job description, but the thought is humorous nonetheless. 

6. BONUS VIDEO!!! 

Because I have an iPhone, I have the ability to keep videos of use. Naturally like any first world citizen would I have held on to this one for a while waiting to use it to my advantage. This video will star my friend's Cooper and Zoe (they give EXCELLENT performances if I don't say so myself.)  The premise of this film is fairly simple. Cooper was tired after our homework party and needed a back massage, the always helpful Zoe happily obliged. The rest is comedic GOLD. If any of you have taken a movement, dance or stretching class with Cooper you know what you are in for. If you haven't I promise this is NOT porn.

And with that, we are done for this round of Camera Phone Cleaning... I'll keep a lookout for more priceless shots!

Superstitions and Choices

HA! See? I stayed away for at least twenty-four hours! Are you lost? I'm sorry. You see, maybe you aren't like me, but every time I try to do something new I get excited and do it for a couple days and then it fizzles out. Just like the time I started waking up early or running or even the last time I "blogged."  Look, I'm just trying to break the cycle here. Not to mention, I also had to rack my brain on what to talk about and ultimately came to the decision that I will know when I have a topic I need to talk about and so I sat around and waited for inspiration to hit me.

This is generally what I look like when I am waiting for "Inspiration." It looks vaguely similar to napping

Today I want to talk to you about two topics: Choice and Superstition. We'll start with the latter, just to piss you off! Now, I don't know if you know this, but I am very superstitious. Like, really its a problem. No, I don't worry about walking under a ladder or when people say "Macbeth" onstage, but I definitely believe in bad "JuJu." Normal people who have this tendency give it very little credit and mostly laugh about the situation, whether it be a broken mirror or stepping on a crack. I have found myself living my life in fear of bad "JuJu" and making life altering decisions based on my fear. "How?" you ask? (You see that double question? You see what I did there? And now?) Let me explain, I am not afraid of tactile superstitions, oh no that'd be too easy for me, the things that I'm afraid of are situations inside my head. (That sounds crazier than I want it to) Let me give you a scenario to help you see into my inner workings (get your mind out of the gutter!), lets pretend that you and I are friends and the last time we spoke we had an argument and  a few days later I break the silence and text you to see how you are doing (because I have come to terms with the fact that I'm always the friend that'll breakdown in these situations first, but I digress) I will automatically make up a "rule" in my mind that if you don't text me back in a certain amount of time that you hate me and are ridding me from your life. Do I know if you were busy and couldn't respond because you were running from zombies, no I decide logically my "rule" is king. Or if I'm working I'll set a scenario like "If someone calls in the next 5 minutes we will be busy" no, if you're wondering, I don't have a superpower I am just crazy. Or if I am taking a test and the first answer is multiple choice, the letter of the answer will be my grade. That one is hardly ever true, but you see the point. I am superstitious because of SITUATIONS I PUT ON MYSELF.  Listen, I know I am psychotic, I am not asking for your sympathy I am simply informing you of what plays through my mind in every scenario. It's like I am constantly looking for pattens around me to indicate to me that life is going to suck. It is the worst thing I do. I know, it's probably something that needs to be diagnosed and medicated, but it's been my secret for the last 23 years and now I am telling you via blog (this may have been the wrong forum...).

Screw all this, I am afraid of a text.

The other topic I wanted to talk about is a complete 180 degrees from the last one: choice (because clearly a compulsion is NOT a choice.) I thoroughly believe that we choose our destiny in this life. There is no power or force above us on that, we choose. Sure things happen to us that we didn't choose, but we always have a choice on how to respond. Lately, in my life, I have been choosing to be happy. I mean I have a good life, loving parents so on and so forth. So why shouldn't I be happy in every situation, right? Furthermore, I also believe life is way more clinical than we make it. With loneliness, and heartbreak, and sorrow how can anyone be happy. I'll tell you right now I am choosing to not be lonely and not miss Katie every second and be happy that I have someone that loves and cares for me. Focusing on how much I miss her will only make me crazy and drive a wedge of resentment between us. So, I have come to the conclusion that emotions tend to get in the way and muddy up the decision making process, therefore why not choose your emotion? (Am I making any sense?) This all may sound too complicated and I may not be the most eloquent, but I am trying to make the point that choosing our destiny is so much more than resting on the cards you were dealt it's about making the hand you need to win. 

No, this isn't a indication of my beliefs it is just the first thing that popped up when I "googled" choice.

On that front, I am trying to choose not to see meaningless patterns in my life and then making stupid decisions based on them. I am choosing to believe that life is more random than I give it credit for. No more "rules" and "tests" for this guy, only happiness. 

Well, I am off my soapbox... and see you next time!